By Amber Christman-Clark
The simple act of hospitality is being lost. Replacing it are ideas that seem almost counter-intuitive to the goal of hosting. Sharing and caring for others is being replaced with demands for the perfect table, a new kitchen, a totally clean house, and guests who are “wowed” by the whole experience.
It feels like these days impressing our guests is more important than connecting with them.
If you’re finding you feel more negative feelings over the act of hospitality; if it feels like you don’t even qualify to offer hospitality, then read on. There are three hospitality lies you need to know. And there’s a better approach.
Lie #1: Hospitality is an Art. You’ve heard the old adage, “art of hospitality.” Its roots are ancient and reflect cultures that are rich with taking care of visitors and strangers. But its meaning in today’s culture has taken on the idea of “next level” entertaining. However, hospitality and entertaining are not the same.
The idea of entertaining focuses on creating an experience that puts the emphasis on the host impressing guests. The message has become our homes, our lives, need to look a certain way for us to be considered proficient in hospitality. While we can be inspired by images we see on social media and television, they don’t hold the truth about what it means to open your heart and home to others. Trying to always impress doesn’t lead to connection.
Making room in our hearts and homes for others is a gift anyone is qualified to make. Let’s make a move from the Art to the HEART of Hospitality.
Lie #2: Perfection Over Connection
We’ve also been led to believe that perfection is an important element of hospitality. If the meal, the house, the children, aren’t perfect, then we haven’t reached our goal as hosts. The reality is, of course, perfection isn’t attainable or even the actual goal of hospitality; connection is. And it detracts from the actual focus — our guests.
Perfectionism is also parent to a critical spirit. It’s no wonder many have given up practicing hospitality if they were raised in homes with a critical parent who made preparing for guests a miserable experience. It becomes all too easy then to resent the idea altogether.
Sadly, all that work brings about stress and anger. Connecting with others, making happy memories and strengthening bonds can never be achieved unless we choose to believe people are more important than our unrealistic expectations. It’s not always easy, but there is real freedom in giving grace to yourself as a host.
Lie #3: Possessions vs. Resources
Real hospitality recognizes that our possessions are resources we get to use to bless our family and others. In a material society, the pull of being enamored with our things rather than pursuing relationship with others is always present. But we can choose to view our possessions as simple resources to connect with others:
- Homes, yards and pools serve as ways to bring people together.
- Decks are the spot for barbecues and meals outdoors
- A collection of fine chain sets the scene for treating guests to a special meal
- Food creates meals, time around a table, shared experiences
Along the way, our children watch as we share what we have with others. They learn both by our teaching and by our example that people are always more important than things.
Let’s worry less about “entertaining” others in favor of meeting people where they are, making a place at the table, and opening our hearts. Hospitality isn’t an art. It’s a way of life.
